It’s gotten entirely too serious around here. To lighten the mood a bit, here’s a story from KARK about West Little Rock’s Highland Pointe Apartments, where management is lowering the boom on lazy and/or poo-phobic dog owners in the most logical way possible: by swabbing the mouths of every dog in the complex so any lawn-fouling piles of second-hand Alpo can be DNA tested and linked back to the guilty party quicker than you can say “enhance and magnify.” 

From the story: 


Every dog on the property must give a saliva swab. Management then submits those samples to Poo Prints, to add to the property’s database. Then, if [the property manager] or anyone else finds a pile, they send a tiny portion to be cross-referenced at Poo Prints headquarters. A few weeks later, Bueker says they’ll get the results back and know the culprit.  As far as punishment goes, it’s three strikes and you’re out. The first offense will cost offenders $100. The second offense is $150. The third time that tenant and their dog will be asked to move out.

These are truly amazing times to be alive, friends.