1) In Mountain Home last week, an elderly motorist who lost control of his sedan managed to race through an elevated parking lot before jumping almost entirely over another street, where the car hit something rather surprising. What did the driver hit?
A) Three helicopters.
B) A one-man Japanese submarine on display since its capture in World War II.
C) A fiberglass statue of bluegrass banjoist Clayton “Big Tuna” Altuna.
D) A prize-winning milk cow being groomed for the Founders Day parade.
2) On Aug. 4, the Little Rock Police Department sent out a release about an incident involving Ammo, one of their K-9 dogs. What happened?
A) While home alone at his handler’s house, Ammo was able to escape his pen, jump a six-foot privacy fence, cross the street and bite two neighbors, one of whom required hospital treatment for his injuries.
B) Conduct unbecoming an officer with a very cute Schnauzer.
C) Stole a stash of Milkbones from the evidence locker.
D) Vigorously humped the leg of new LRPD Chief Kenton Buckner.
3) Last week, a Google Street View car — one of the colorful little hatchbacks with a camera on the roof that crisscross the country, providing the photos for Google’s Street View service — was involved in an incident in Little Rock that necessitated a police response. What happened?
A) A two-car accident in Hillcrest that left one car spun off the road and the Google Streetview car bumperless.
B) Tea Party members attacked the car with rocks and sticks, claiming it was an information-gathering device for the “Marxist Kenyan Socialist in the White House.”
C) Driver took a wrong turn and disappeared through a thin spot between reality and cyberspace. Again.
D) Sen. Jason Rapert commandeered the car, then wrote legislation saying any woman seeking an abortion in Arkansas must allow him to take a quick spin through her uterus.
4) Up in Fayetteville last week, at least two dozen Christians, including some pastors, turned out to speak against an ordinance proposed by city Alderman Matthew Petty. What is the aim of the ordinance?
A) To ban employment, housing and public accommodation discrimination against gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people in the city.
B) To allow the planting of two crops in the same field and the wearing of two different fabrics at the same time, which is also forbidden in Leviticus along with the gay stuff.
C) To facilitate reconciliation between fundamentalist Christians and lions by locking them both in the same room until the lions apologize for the whole Roman Colosseum thing.
D) To require anybody quoting the Bible to prove through testing that they read the whole thing, not just the parts that agree with them.
5) After a Facebook outcry, a beloved Prairie Grove landmark that had been knocked over by a driver who fell asleep at the wheel back in June has been reinstalled. What was the landmark?
A) One of the last remaining phone booths in Arkansas.
B) Carved cypress bust of Bill Clinton’s old squeeze Gennifer Flowers, who grew up there.
C) Twenty-foot statue of Mary Steenburgen, made out of mufflers and exhaust pipe.
D) Giant cast-iron skillet used to cook the world’s biggest omelet in 1981.
6) Recently, Mike Rowe of the TV show “Dirty Jobs” wrote on his Facebook page that he’s seeking an uncommonly dirty job in Arkansas. What’s the job he wants?
A) Lafayette County Judge.
B) Drain unclogger at Little Rock Wastewater’s main sewage treatment plant (snorkel and wetsuit provided).
C) Goldfish semen collector at Pool Fisheries in Lonoke.
D) End-of-day foot massage boy for Fordyce dogcatcher and postman Harry “Hairy” Clenche.