1) The week before Christmas, police said a Little Rock Burger King restaurant was robbed by an assailant who was a little different from most perpetrators. What was unique about the robber?
A) It was Santa Claus, trying to score some cash to support a crippling powdered sugar habit.
B) She only demanded a cardboard crown and a 5-gallon bucket of sliced dill pickles.
C) The robber was 12 years old and opened fire with a handgun after employees laughed at him, thinking his demand to hand over cash was a joke. Luckily, nobody was hit.
D) It was Ronald McDonald, with Papa John as his wheelman.
2) Governor Hutchinson recently told the Arkansas State Police and state prosecutors that it’s his opinion that an Arkansas law passed in 2013 legalized something that’s rather controversial. What’s A-OK now, according to the governor’s nonbinding opinion?
A) Medical methamphetamine.
B) The open carry of handguns.
C) White shoes after Labor Day.
D) The soulful sounds of Kenny G.
3) A social post from the Little Rock Police Department recently noted that it would “strictly enforce” the law related to a dangerous act some citizens engage in on New Year’s Eve. What’s the issue?
A) A New Year’s Eve tradition in which Little Rock residents stealthily approach Mayor Mark Stodola, yank up his shirt, blow a raspberry on his tummy and then run like hell.
B) Domestic violence related to couples trying to score the first Dutch oven of the New Year on a significant other.
C) Celebratory gunfire at the stroke of midnight, which makes parts of the city sound like the Battle of the Bulge.
D) Attempting to get one more run out of this year’s slutty Halloween costume by adding a glittery hat.
4) On Dec. 29, Lamar High School Coach Kevin Kyzer, 51, was arrested by the State Police. Why, according to police, was he arrested?
A) He was allegedly drunk driving.
B) He was allegedly drunk driving a school bus.
C) He was allegedly drunk driving a school bus with nine teenage basketball players inside, on their way to a tournament.
D) All of the above.
5) Once the state Legislature gives its final OK, a big change is coming for the estimated 19,000 Arkansas students who are “home-schooled” by their parents or guardians. What’s the change?
A) Chemistry courses will now focus solely on how to make the blue
B) The core American History requirement can now be satisfied by watching any film in the “Back to the Future” trilogy.
C) “Because of the Bible, I guess?” is now considered an acceptable answer to any question posed on a quiz or exam.
D) Students will no longer be tested by the state to prove they have reached proficiency in any subject, allowing their “teachers” to simply teach nothing if they like.