1) Trey Lane, an architect from Rogers, recently learned that he and his team of designers won a plum assignment, beating out 18 other teams from around the world. What were Mr. Lane and Co. designing?
A) A prison cell to hold disgraced former President Donald J. Trump at some point in the near future, if there is a just God in heaven.
B) A Tornado O’ Lobbyist Bucks! chamber for the Arkansas Republican Party headquarters.
C) A proposed robotic lander and equipment to 3D-print habitable structures during a future NASA mission to Mars.
D) A “Matrix”-like virtual reality where Trump supporters can be just as racist, ignorant and homophobic as they like without losing the respect of every decent person in their lives.
2) The Network for Public Education recently gave Arkansas an F in a survey grading all 50 states on a certain subject. In what subject did we flunk?
A) Defense Against the Dark Sharts.
B) Backyard Wrasslin’.
C) Our level of support for public schools over charter schools and other education privatization efforts.
3) Van Buren police say an officer in that department is lucky to be alive after being shot by a man during a disturbance, thanks to an item that deflected the bullet. What was the item?
A) The blanket he was wrapped in when he fell to earth as an infant, before being found by a kindly old farm couple.
B) 100,000,000th Donut Sold! pin from Dunkin Donuts, which he’d been awarded the day before.
C) A pen-sized steel handcuff key, which the officer was carrying in his shirt pocket.
D) The sterling silver codpiece that is a required uniform item for officers with the Van Buren PD.
4) As we reported recently, The Satanic Temple is raising funds to bring a 7½-foot statue of the pagan god Baphomet to Arkansas in coming weeks to protest the installation of the Ten Commandments monument on the state Capitol grounds, a development that sent state Sen. Jason Rapert (R-Matthew 6:5) in a tizzy. Which of the following did Rapert write in a fundraising post to his faithful flock?
A) That even though an online crowdfunding effort had already raised around $85,000 for the monument at the time Rapert’s post was made, people should donate even more.
B) That the Ten Commandments monument “is under assault from the Satanic Temple, Satanists, the American Atheists and the ACLU.”
C) That “they” — apparently meaning Satanists, atheists and the ACLU — “destroyed the first monument,” as opposed to a mentally ill man named Michael T. Reed, who ran it over with his Dodge Dart.
D) All of the above.
5) The feds recently announced charges against two Chinese researchers who were stopped as they allegedly attempted to leave the country with something potentially worth millions. What, according to investigators, were they trying to sneak out of the U.S.?
A) The severed hand of the Fouke Monster.
B) A large rolling suitcase containing Donald Trump Jr., two steps ahead of Robert Mueller.
C) Seeds from rice with potential biomedical applications, allegedly taken from the Dale Bumpers National Rice Research Center in Stuttgart and another research facility in Kansas.
D) The secret ingredient in Granny Jenkins’ famous tater salad.