1) While it may be hard to believe, we can assure you that something interesting happened in Blytheville last weekend. What was it? A) Breaking a four-year streak, not a single person in Blytheville contracted gonorrhea over the weekend.

B) Thanks to a freak solar flare, the CBS affiliate came in clear on local TVs for the first time since television was invented.


C) Someone actually drove to Blytheville on purpose, without then continuing on to somewhere else.

D) The Arkansas One-Mile Challenge, with the drivers of cars, trucks and motorcycles testing their nerve and horsepower on the 11,500-foot runway of the former air force base there, with some going over 220 miles per hour. 2) Arkansas treasure and blogger Matt Campbell of Blue Hog Report recently dug up a doozy: Back in 2014, the office of State Land Commissioner John Thurston spent a total of $28,777.55 in taxpayer funds on something you wouldn’t think the Commission of State Lands, which oversees sales of tax delinquent properties, would have much use for. On what, according to documents uncovered by BHR, was the money spent? A) A War Eagle-brand bass boat costing $22,447.65, including $7,997 for an upgraded 115-horsepower Yamaha outboard engine.


B) $3,999.96 for boat-related gear from Bass Pro Shops, including a $2,299 electronic fish finder, two “Mustang Survival Bass Competition” flotation devices for $249.99 each, and two pairs of camouflage pants, plus $305.06 for still more boat-related gear from Walmart, including flashlights, needle-nose pliers and two pairs of rubber boots.

C) $1,686.93 per year for a boat storage space in Maumelle.


D) All of the above.

3) When Blue Hog Report asked Thurston’s office why the agency needed to spend almost $29,000 in taxpayer funds on what appears to be a fishing boat, what did chief counsel Diane Schwartz say was the reason for buying the boat and related gear? A) “Winter is coming.”

B) The boat is for removing “debris” from waterways around the state, in keeping with a state law passed in 2013, with the $2,299 depth finder necessary “to ascertain the location and extent of the debris or other obstructions” underwater.

C) Thurston left his laptop logged into Amazon while he went to the crapper, and his cat walked across the keyboard, hitting exactly the right sequence of keys to purchase the boat and several thousand dollars worth of fishing gear.


D) The boat’s reinforced prow is needed to gently nudge aside the turdbergs floating in the Buffalo National River downstream of the hog farm.

4) The Arkansas Department of Health reported recently that it had found the culprit behind an outbreak of diarrhea and vomiting that struck 175 people who had visited a Fayetteville brewpub. What was the reported cause? A) Beer. They like to drink beer. Sometimes they drank too much beer. Beery beer-beer. Beer. They like beer. Not so much that they blacked out though! Beer! Beer.

B) Some kinda pumpkin spice bullshit.

C) Norovirus, a highly contagious disease that causes intestinal distress.

D) The inevitable mental images conjured up after Trump’s recent admission that he had “fallen in love” with North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un.

5) Recently, fans of the late actor Burt Reynolds, who died Sept. 6, held a tribute to Burt that included an Arkansas connection. What did they do to pay homage to the world’s fastest mustache?

A) They held a live re-enactment of “Deliverance” on the Buffalo River, complete with a bunch of toothless hillbillies making a Ned Beatty look-alike squeal like a pig.

B) They jumped a Pontiac Firebird over the dome of the Arkansas state Capitol at dawn.

C) They collected over 300 pounds of barbershop clippings for “Burt’s Kids,” youths who are tragically unable to grow their own thick, luxurious chest hair.


D) A group of truckers recreated the 900-plus mile route from Texarkana to Atlanta seen in “Smokey and the Bandit,” led by a 1977 Pontiac Trans Am and a police car like the one driven on screen by Jackie Gleason’s character Buford T. Justice.