1) Officials with the Arkansas Department of Transportation were dispatched to the tiny North Arkansas town of Beaver (Carroll County) to inspect the historic and unique suspension bridge there for damage after a recent incident. What happened?
A) The troll that lives under the bridge got whacked-out on an 8-ball of crank and went a little nuts.
B) The Beaver-area chapters of the Sharks and Jets had a mid-bridge rumble.
C) The White River Monster, in the area for a little fall leaf-peeping, forgot to duck while passing under the bridge.
D) A 35-ton tour bus crossed the bridge even though it has a clearly-posted weight limit of 10 tons, causing the span to visibly sag several feet under the strain, as seen in video of the incident.
2) Officials with Arkansas’s PBS affiliate AETN recently announced the station will begin broadcasting something on the network for the first time this November. What’s the addition?
A) Short, “Schoolhouse Rock”-style cartoons featuring catchy songs about basic compassion, ethics and morality, made specifically for Arkansas Republican legislators.
B) “Bigelow City Limits,” a call-in talk show in which Sen. Jason Rapert (R-Trumplethinskin) whines for an hour each week about the sacrifices he makes as a legislator and repeatedly hangs up on his critics.
C) Championship high school football and basketball games.
D) “Sesame Street 2018,” in which Elmo, Bert and Ernie get forced out of their rent-controlled apartments and wind up living on the steam grate outside the Starbucks that used to be Hooper’s Store.
3) Other than a little rain, the Yellville Turkey Trot Festival went off without a hitch earlier this month even though it was missing an element that has brought the festival international headlines in recent years. What was missing?
A) A Donald Trump look-alike contest, which caused a rash of projectile vomiting in 2017.
B) Man-on-man giblet wrasslin’.
C) The Miss Turkey Neck Pageant.
D) Live turkeys dropped from a low-flying airplane, some plummeting to their deaths every year, the change thanks to sponsors who said they’d pull funding for the festival in the future if local scofflaws continued the cruel and gruesome “tradition.”
4) Officials with the War Memorial Stadium Commission recently gave an unexpected gift to football players for Benton and Bryant high schools after an Aug. 25 incident in which both teams and over 38,000 fans on hand for the annual “Salt Bowl” Benton/Bryant matchup rushed for the exits of War Memorial in a panic after someone mistook a loud noise as gunfire. What was the gift?
A) A lifetime supply of decaf coffee.
B) Tickets to the recent Arkansas-Ole Miss game at War Memorial.
C) A bulletproof, man-sized hamster ball for each player.
D) Jock holsters, so every team member can carry a concealed handgun to protect himself on the field.
5) Central Arkansas recently has seen thieves targeting unlikely victims. What is being stolen?
A) Work boots.
B) Alarm clocks.
C) “Writing a Resume for Dummies” books.
D) Police gear, stolen from marked patrol cars of the North Little Rock Police Department, Arkansas State Police, Pulaski County Sheriff’s office and other agencies, including department-issued handguns, rifles, Tasers, badges and bulletproof vests.