1) Recently, State Rep. Stephen Meeks (R-Greenbrier) tweeted a controversial statement about those living in poverty and then deleted it, issuing an apology for the statement the next day. What did he say?
A) That “being poor in America is a personal choice.”
B) That all a homeless man needs to do to get out of poverty is go to school and “get a job driving a truck making $70K per year.”
C) That if a homeless man follows that advice, he can be a millionaire in 20 years.
D) All of the above.
2) According to the most recent U.S. Census data, what percentage of the citizens in Faulkner County, where Meeks’ district is located,
A) Eleventeen bajillion percent.
B) No idea, but Meeks said poor people sure are fun to chase in a dune buggy with a horn that plays “Dixie.”
C) 16 percent, well above the national average.
D) Unknown, given that a resident of rural Faulkner County ate the census taker with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.
3) Disgraced former Arkansas state Sen. Jon Woods (R-Springdale), who is serving an 18-year federal prison sentence on charges relating to the Ecclesia College kickback scheme, was one of 79 inmates who wrote to President Trump offering to do something in exchange for lessened prison time. What did Woods and his compatriots in the Ironbar Hotel offer to do?
A) Take CNN reporter Jim Acosta out behind the White House dumpsters and give him “a Pine Bluff conga lesson.”
B) Protect Donald Trump Jr. from getting sold for cigarettes and Butterfinger bars when Mueller inevitably sends him up the river.
C) Volunteered to help build Trump’s long-promised border wall.
D) Offered to wrangle the herd of specially bred yellow sewer rats that provide the hair for Trump’s wigs.
4) Woods’ name and signature were featured prominently on the first page of the letter to Trump, along with the names of five other inmates. Which of the following were among Woods’ front-page cosigners?
A) Two murderers
B) Two major drug traffickers.
C) A former cop convicted on federal civil rights charges related to the torture of a black man by a racist mob that bent two of the victim’s fingers back until they snapped, stomped on his face and head, cut all his clothing off with a knife and shoved an ink pen into both the man’s ears until his eardrums ruptured.
D) All of the above. Good to see Woods is making friends in the joint.
5) Police say a 13-year-old boy recently pulled off a crime that was a little impressive. What, according to police, did the boy do?
A) After the boy posted a racist, anti-Semitic rant on YouTube, President Trump nominated him to be U.S. agriculture secretary.
B) He snuck into the local strip club by sitting on a friend’s shoulders while wearing a long trench coat, a fedora
C) He allegedly stole a Pepsi delivery truck on the campus of UA Little Rock and drove to Bryant, apparently without damaging the truck.
D) He promised to assist Jon Woods in his cunning plan that would see 79 federal inmates scurry to freedom in Mexico the moment they set foot near the border.