Play at home, while waiting for the FBI battering ram to hit your door.

1) One of the first rioters to be arrested after the Jan. 6 U.S. Capitol insurrection was Richard “Bigo” Barnett, 60, of Gravette. How was the FBI able to identify him so quickly?

  1. A) He was seen in a now-famous high-definition photo with his feet up on a desk in House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s office.
  2. B) He later showed off a piece of Pelosi’s mail he’d swiped from the office for reporters, saying he’d left a quarter on her desk “because I’m not a thief.”
  3. C) He also told reporters he took the mail because he’d bled on it, which would surely be DNA evidence if investigators actually needed it following Barnett’s many on-video confessions.
  4. D) All of the above.

2) Speaking of bad takes, on Jan. 10 — more than three full days after the Capitol insurrection, with TV screens coast to coast flooded with video of Trump-incited MAGA rioters smashing through doors, beating police and chanting their intent to lynch elected officials — Arkansas Sen. Jason Rapert (R-Merkin Fork) took to Twitter to stump for the idea that the riot wasn’t actually as seditious as it looked and that liberals were using it to create a “false narrative” to demonize conservatives. In that tweet, how did Rapert describe the violent coup attempt that cost five people, including a U.S. Capitol Police Officer, their lives?

  1. A) “Proud Boys will be boys.”
  2. B) “What’s a little treason among friends?” 
  3. C) “A whirlwind sightseeing tour of the U.S. Capitol!”
  4. D) “A few hours of protest.”

3) Another Arkansan arrested for alleged involvement in the D.C. insurrection was Peter Francis Stager, 41, of Conway, who investigators say is the rioter seen on video brutally beating a police officer on the steps of the U.S. Capitol and later saying “death is the only remedy” for elected officials inside. According to investigators and the widely seen video, what was Stager’s weapon of choice in his assault on the officer?

  1. A) A pillowcase full of hardback copies of Donald Trump’s 1987 book “The Art of the Deal.” 
  3. C) The framed Declaration of Independence, which he stole from the National Archives by following the plan laid out in the 2004 Nicholas Cage film “National Treasure.” 
  4. D) Shamefully, a long pole bearing an American flag, with which he was seen raining vicious blows on the officer’s prone body as he lay on the steps.

4) Arkansas U.S. Rep. Steve Womack has been in the news recently, with the 3rd District Republican figuring in several stories about GOP House members pushing back against stringent new security measures instituted at the Capitol since the insurrection. According to news outlets The Hill, NPR and others, which of the following was part of Womack’s reaction?

  1. A) He refused to enter the House Chamber, instead sending an intern holding an iPad with his face live-streamed to it.
  2. B) He took his ball and went home.
  3. C) He started wearing a T-shirt that says: “F**k Your Feelings (Unless They’re About Why Rules Shouldn’t Apply To Me).”
  4. D) According to news accounts, Womack screamed “GET BACK!” and “DON’T TOUCH ME!” at U.S. Capitol police officers trying to usher him through newly installed metal detectors outside the House Chamber. Republicans eventually became so obstinate in their refusal to accept the idea that “law and order” should apply to them that House leadership was forced to institute a $5,000 fine for anyone dodging the detectors, in hopes they would grow up and comply with police. 

5) By the time you read this, President Trump will have shuffled off the national stage and into infamy as a failed one-term, twice-impeached president who managed to kill more Americans than the Axis Powers before inciting a mob of nutcases to attempt a deadly coup on his behalf. Which of the following was the first thought you had when you woke up on Jan. 21?

  1. A) “Well, that was stupid.”
  2. B) “Thank God! It was all a horrible nightmare!”
  3. C) “You know, call me crazy, but I wish Biden would randomly tweet some crazy shit about ‘hamberders’ today.”
  4. D) “I survived! Now can we all go back to just being Americans again?”

ANSWERS: D, D, D, D, ?